sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
