life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
