Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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