you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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