Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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