consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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