I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize