I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
