Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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