i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
