Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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