I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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