I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
