i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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