he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
