I want to have your abortion
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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