Michael Bay diarrhea
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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