They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
