i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
