the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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