if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
