O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
