he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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