I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize