Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
