My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
