I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
