all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
