Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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