I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you had me at cake vodka
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
