The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
