It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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