Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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