peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
