Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
