My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
