I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
