if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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