It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
