his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
