K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
