i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
