there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize