imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
is that a dick in a sweater?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
