Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
