Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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