I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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