What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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