lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize