the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
