did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
