I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
