How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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