I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
