I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
