There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
