I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
