I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
