i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize