He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
