i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
