I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
