I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize