there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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