So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
