ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
