yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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