Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize