That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
