You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
