You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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