no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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