RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
