bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
