i don't like sucking hair
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
