After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
