sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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