I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
