i jhust puked up my retainher.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize