Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
