you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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