My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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