have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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