Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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