i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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