I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
