Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize