you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
