I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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