Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize