I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
