yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
