Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
