make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
two words: eviction party
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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