There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize